I'm the definition of an Epic Fail

So, here's to my February resolution.

Start writing again. I know that nothing I says matters, and that nothing I do is of particular importance to people not doing those things with me HOWEVER, I shall and I will get back on this bandwagon. Because it's a good wagon to be on.

Today is awesome for two reasons,

1. bomb ass lunch
2. gonna eat crepes for dinner

and I suppose the invisible 3. is that there was promise of getting me an appointment with a coiffeur or in English, someone who cuts my hair. 

To bullet point 2014 has been pretty awesome thus far. Here's a few things I've collected since I last posted before Christmas and some things I've learned so far this year.

• Airport bathrooms are not made for small people like me
• BE BOLD, what's the worst that can happen?
• Always know someone, who followed a crack addict through the red light district of Paris, and bought drugs from a man with his entire face covered except for his eyes. It makes a great party story.
• French is hard, but just keep talking!
• Don't ever have your phone in your pocket if you're in Paris. It will get stolen at Chatêlet 
• Coffee grinds are good for your skin (ladies I'm talking to you, bathe in that shit)
• When a French guy leans down to do the double kiss goodbye on a Saturday night, he's really aiming for your mouth. First kiss of 2014 stolen by G's World. Awesome, dude. 
• If your cousin comes to visit you, get her a sweet photo with a DJ her first night in Paris.
• #wednesdays are still a thing
• If you met on Tinder, make up a completely different story describing how you met organically before you tell anyone 
• Find a gay bar and sit in it with a girlfriend while the orgies commence around you.
• "Django Unchained" isn't romantic, but it's a good conversation starter and catalyst for plan making
• Your body is always changing, but don't worry, if you love yourself shit works out
• I don't think the French come into much contact with "booty" just saying. 
• My host-family has a device that records sound levels in the apartment. Oops that one party I had. Oops.
• Vienna is DOOOOOOOPEEEE. And so are the cops who chose not to arrest me last Saturday for that whole "near the cathedral" incident
• Always take a video of me if I am dancing my heart out in public
• If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.
• Hannah and I are still going strong. Don't worry folks

I want to get this right so I can look back on my time here and say, "Hell yeah I recorded all that mess and posted it on the internet for no one to see."

Carney Out.

That one time in London
(for the second time that month)